I have been thinking about my life a lot the last few days (ok weeks it has taken me this long to get the words almost right). My dad witnessed a small airplane crash flown by someone he knew. It has touched him in a way that will forever be with him. For me – I could have lost him! He was so close that along with another friend they ran to the plane when it crashed. It blew up a few seconds later. As far as I am concerned it could have landed on him or blew up while he was to close.
Than a day or so later M2’s friend (Gwen) who she has know all her life had a major life changing loss. Her husband left to stand with GOD. Even though he was 67 years old it may seem to some that he lived a full life. What about those who he left behind. His wife who was (I believe) around 15 years his junior. Gwen has to wake up each morning missing him with her heart. I do not want to even think about the evenings or when it is time to go to bed. This is my own personal greatest fear. I have seen what it can do to you. Kim was the first and far from the last I regret. She lost her husband of 16 years with two young girls to raise. It was so rough for her. I wish I could have made it better for her. I always want to make people better but it doesn’t always work that way does it?
AARRRHH! I just can’t get what is going on my head into words. Instead I am babbling. What I really want to spit out is about how my journal for my mom has helped me. I started it when she passed away 10 years ago this November. I was so lost without her. Just as I know Gwen must be now about her husband. I started to write to my mom what was going on in my life just as if I was talking to her. It turned into a memory book. Every thought of her it was added; filled with the emotions of the laughter, tears and events we shared together.
As others have lost their parents, spouses, friends, or anyone who has touched our hearts. I would try to share the comforts I found in the journal.
Today I happened to find the journal. Having not written in it in a while since it was not needed as much. Touched by the words I found in my journal; I think of Gwen. I am grateful all over again that I have these words saved to share with my mom’s grandchildren.
Still feeling all in knots about Gwen’s loss wishing I knew her personally; though I have heard stories about her over the years. I want to reach out and hug her with all I have. I want to embrace her and give her a part of me. Share the words that will make her pain go away (I know that there are no such words. Still I want to tell her them).
In Gwen’s husband honor I will go home today and share my mom’s journal with my children for the first time. Explain to them how important it is to live each day to the fullest.
I really feel her pain and I wish it on no one. My prayers are with Gwen and everyone who her husband’s life has touched. I pray for Gwen to have strength as I know she does. I send many blessings to all those that have loved and lost.
